Why fashion will always be there for me

I’m often called a “shopaholic” - a compulsive shopper - because I shop very often. Weekly, at the very least. But the thing is, I’ve seldom felt like I belong.

Everything I had, and everything I wore was never good enough. I often found myself metaphorically out of breath as I ran to catch up to the steady pace of life that everyone else had established. And the further behind I fell, the more out of touch I felt, and the more I shopped. 

For me, there’s always been a glass pane separating me from the world I live in yet never seem to quite fit in. There’s an internal void, which I fill with clothes because clothes numb the metaphorical pain, and block out the reality – at least for a little while. They flatter, appreciate and love you in the way that people never can. And most importantly, clothes will never, ever let you down. As Rebecca Bloomwood from Confessions of a Shopaholic, the ultimate autobiographical movie for the shopping enthusiasts, once said: “When I shop, the world gets better. And the world is better. But then it's not, and I need to do it again.”

Odd one out was my middle name, and I realised this when I was 10. My class were to go on a trip to Llandudno, Wales, and got into groups for rooms. My friends – there were five of us – paired up without me. Stunned, I struggled to find another group. But nobody wanted the girl in the glasses and the brick phone. Everyone else had flip Motorolas with bluetooth and were constantly sharing songs with each other. I still remember their condescending gazes. “You want to be in our group? Not with that hair, not in those specs and definitely not in those socks!” they screeched at me inside my head, and then linked arms with their other best friends – the ones with the blonde curly hair and the much-coveted sterling silver earrings with the dangly star-shaped diamonds from Claire’s Accessories.

My early teens were difficult. They mainly consisted of hesitant words – I was a shy girl – and regular features of blind fashion blunders in the dark as I tried to fit in and discover myself at the same time. I still remember the rocker phase. When I was 14, I used to play the Lostprophets and My Chemical Romance at top volume, and was in love with bright hoodies, heavy kohl-rimmed eyes and coloured skinny jeans. Remember the Piczo websites? I had one with a red and black theme, with bleeding roses and crying outlines of profiles - the trademark of a teenager trying so desperately hard to appear rebellious. Then I got Myspace and that was full of cryptic quotes and photos cast in half shadow that were captioned with song lyrics. It drove my parents out of their minds, but I didn’t care. It was what everyone else was doing, and I just wanted to fit in, because to my wildly hormonal and moody adolescent self, fitting in was the most important thing. 

I spent the better half of my sixth form years religiously stalking and memorising fashion bloggers on Instagram. Their clothes and their life in that one carefully filtered square image - it looked like perfection. I tried to become like one of them - setting up my first blog when I was 17 and hashtagged my images like crazy. But I didn't have the right camera, I didn't know how to Photoshop and I didn't have my own personality. 

I’m 22 now, and I still sometimes feel like the unnecessary spare part. I’ve grown up as peers shunned me, and friends ditched me in favour of cooler, prettier people. To me, shopping and clothes are a reminder that people change and they leave, but fashion will always be there for you. 

M x

Crop top - Missguided // Skirt - Mango // Sleeveless blazer - Missguided // Boots - Zara

Leave a Comment Fashion, Lifestyle, OOTD

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Reinvention

Two weeks ago, Yves Saint Laurent announced a major change. The French fashion house revealed that their creative director, Heid Slimane who has been praised for his revival and transformation of the brand, was to be replaced by former Versus Versace creative director Anthony Vaccarello.

But that's not all. YSL then proceeded to revamp their entire Instagram by deleting all of the photos published during Slimane's tenure and posted a single image of Vaccarello. Perhaps it was part of their plan to create a new image for the luxury brand - new director, new directions and all that - or maybe it was exactly what it appeared to be - YSL's attempt to make the split known in the loudest way possible - at least in the 21st century. Wiping social media clean of Slimane is a somewhat bold gesture, considering he repositioned the brand and nursed it back to popularity.

In some ways, documenting your reinvention on social media is the equivalent of ringing and telling your friends. Of course we still do that - personally, I'd much rather tell friends in person - but the option of not having to face people is there. Some people are partial to the passive aggressive paradigm. A status about the woes of life may attract sympathy and pity, and sometimes, it's nice to get that sort of attention and to feel cared for. And then there's the abundance of memes and quotes existing in cyberspace. When a friend starts liking nostalgic, thoughtful quotes about love and heartbreak, I know there's something wrong.

Social media is good, in that sense. It helps connect people. But how do you know if everyone is truly your friend? Not every single one of the 1,746 people you have on Facebook is your friend, surely. So for me, interacting in person is far more ideal. That's the sort of social media we need to get back to.

M x

Leave a Comment Anthony Vaccarello, Fashion, Heid Slimane, Instagram, Lifestyle, News, Yves Saint Laurent

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The envy effect of social media

I have a friend who constantly posts and flaunts her relationship on social media. #happy #love #bestboyfriendever are some of the hashtags that typically caption aerial images of surprise breakfasts-in-bed or a cute picnic date. She'll get between 15-20 likes for a single post, because we, her friends, are the loyal band who root for her happiness and then there are also the unknown Instagram browsers who stumble across the little romantic photo via the hashtags.

But what the general public don't know is that she isn't happy at all. Hiding behind those beaming smiles and that rosy Instagram filter are angry text messages and nights of anguish as she's sat on the phone to me in tears.

Social media has created a perpetual state of reality where the lives of the people who post can look wondrously happy and perfect. That's where the problems of social media lie: it's only too easy to tell half truths. You see the fabulous party but not the mess to clean up afterward. You see the happy couple but not the raging fights. You see the celebratory milestones but not the downward spiral of meltdowns.

But because we only see the half truths, the envy sets in.

When you're laughing and gossiping with your friends, do you check your Facebook? When you're sunbathing on a far flung beach, deliciously colourful cocktail in hand, are you scrolling through Instagram? When you're watching your favourite band in concert, are you Tweeting? Of course not. We check our social media channels when we're bored and lonely. Seeing other people's seemingly perfect lives only magnifies those feelings, so it makes sense that their happiness makes us jealous. Social media has allowed us to pick and choose which moments of our lives to share to the Internet public. Much like cramming things into the cupboards and drawers instead of tidying your room, you can display the good times and hide the ugly ones.

However, it's important to remember that everything looks better on the Internet than it does in real life. But that doesn't mean you should wallow in self-pity. Instead, learn from the downfalls and let them make you stronger.

So next time you're getting cocktails with your friends, enjoy the moment and keep your phone in your pocket. Snapchat isn't going anywhere.

M x

Playsuit - Bonnie // Jacket - Zara // Belt - ASOS // Shoes - Forever 21 // Bag - Jasper Conran

Leave a Comment Fashion, Lifestyle, memoir, News

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New Beginnings

There is a news outlet that only publishes its stories on Instagram. In the fast-paced modern world, this makes a great deal of sense. We're so fascinated by the shimmering world inside our smartphones and tablets, we often forget to lift our heads and actually experience real life. Our devices are that interesting.

So in an attempt to regain our attention, what do the media do? Transport themselves onto the very platforms we, the public, are so focussed on. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. Say hello to the social media revolution. 

There was a time, a simpler era, when such distractions did not exist. Stories were published in newspapers and magazines, and news was consumed at the turn of a page. Headlines still clamour for our attention, but publications have turned to online platforms, for that's where the masses are found.

Outlets like FJ Daily News only serve to remind us of the modern environment and its ever-changing nature. News is doled out by way of a labelled colour photograph and a detailed caption. It works. We're so busy these days that we don't have time to sit and scan through a broadsheet while munching on a butter-filled almond croissant. Instead, we'll eat that croissant as we scroll through our social media newsfeed on the early morning commute.

This is the new daily routine. What's next?

M x

Leave a Comment Lifestyle

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